101 Ways to Kill Yourself

This list started out due to pure boredom during Mr. Knigge's English class senior year. Justin Kenny and myself tried to think of as many ways a person could possibly kill themselves. By using our own input, as well ideas from other random GCHS students and faculty, we were determined to compile a list of 101. And here, in its entirety, I present to you:

 101 Ways To Kill Yourself

1. Slit your wrist with a razor
2. Hang yourself
3. Drop a toaster in the bathtub
4. Piss on a lightsocket
5. Piss on the electric fence
6. Piss on a big fat jock
7. Jai's Mom
8. Tie yourself to railroad tracks
9. Bullet in the head
10. Fall from a building
11. Tie a 75 lb. rock to yourself. Jump into a lake
12. Overdose
13. Drink Drano
14. Jump in front of a moving vehicle
15. Get drunk, fight a dog
16. Penicillin
17. Slip in the shower, hit your head
18. Jumping in the back of a garbage truck
19. Getting tie/necklace caught in a drillpress/table saw
20. Bullet up the rectum
21. Bench press 300 lbs. Drop it on your head
22. Break neck trying to suck own dick
23. Become a gangsta rapper, get shot
24. Stab yourself with an icepick
25. Bulimia
26. Alcohol poisoning
27. Hari Kari
28. Eat insulation, pretending its cotton candy
29. Fall down A LOT of stairs
30. Shoot up oxygen
31. Set yourself up to be struck by lightning
32. Call Jack Kevorkian
33. Swallow glass
34. Drive through the south screaming "cracker", get beat up by the KKK
35. Drive car into a brick wall
36. Take out a mafia contract on yourself
37. Buy a ticket for the Titanic
38. Eat Chinese food that sat on the counter for 2 weeks
39. Jump into a pizza oven at Wayne's Pizza
40. Climb into grease vat at Burger King
41. "The Pear"
42. Buy a ticket for the Hindenburg
43. Catch the black plague
44. Lots and lots of laxatives
45. Drink lye
46. Stick your head into a box full of hungry rats
47. " The Rack"
48. Catch rabies
49. Stick a fork in a toaster
50. Fall asleep in a freezer
51. Park on the railroad tracks
52. Mailbomb yourself
53. Make a maltov cocktail out of yourself
54. Jump into an alligator pit
55. Put head through an television set
56. Smoke a cigarette while standing in a gasoline puddle
57. Jump rope with a downed power line
58. Park in a garage, start your car, take a nap
59. Suck on a tailpipe
60. Eat White Castle Hamburgers
61. Kick a Mafia boss in the nuts
62. Punch a homeless man in Chicago.......in a dark alley
63. Smother yourself in gravy, run through a cannibal village
64. Put a plastic bag over your head, breathe deeply
65. Tie yourself to a train
66. Take a nap under some semi truck wheels
67. Paper cut your wrists
68. Powerdrill your face
69. Drown yourself in a painting
70. Skydive without a parachute
71. Sleeping pills in a movie theater
72. Dive into an empty pool
73. Turn on the gas, take out all the glass from a light bulb, turn on the lights
74. Fork through eyesocket into brain
75. Stand under a falling garbage can
76. Inject novocain into brain
77. Pull brain out with a hook
78. Stab eyes, bleed to death
79. Get trampled by an elephant
80. Tie caught in a paper shredder
81. Eat until you explode
82. Torture yourself, Chinese water style
83. Stick M & M's up your nose, tape your mouth shut
84. Dynamite in rectum
85. Flip car at high speeds
86. Stick arm in surface planer
87. Get a job at the CIA, go on a "suicide mission", fail
88. KAMIKAZE!!!!!!
89. Swim in a pool of acid
90. Go rafting down Niagara Falls
91. Lay on ground at running of bulls
92. Swallow goldfish, choke to death
93. Jump off hot air balloon
94. Rubber glove over head
95. Smother yourself with peanut butter, lay on red ant hill
96. Stick head in a beehive
97. Lock yourself in a sauna
98. Suffocate in the wet concrete foundation of a building
99. Jump into a meat grinder
100. Hang upside down for prolonged periods of time
101. Fight and rape a bear

 

 

 

 

Praise be to......

Dan Heuser
Matthew "Jungle Boy" Wyatt
Gaby Loja
Linnea Bosswell
Tony "Bubbles" Speno
Krystal "311" Duncan
Jai "Orangejello" Ramachandran
Greg " Kurt Cobain" Boudreau
Jill Cunningham
Josh "Gwar" Sklar
Chris "I'll give you a nickname monkey boy" Karner
Straightedge Dave Kruger
Apryl "Mrs. Steve" Levy
POWDER
Ray "Sween Dog" Sweeny
Ms. Hammer
Crystal Akins
Crazy Mike Naranjo
Polish Mike Janicki
Scotty Galuska
Byron DeMent
Mrs. Patkunsas
Mrs. Clifford
Tyler Waugh
David "Steve's Cousin" Leckman
Julie Thorpe
Ellen Marciniak
Justin "THE MAN" Kenny
Jessica Corinne Kenny
Laura " the skeleton" Madalinski

 

 

 

 

 

****Disclaimer: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!I am not suicidal and I do not recommend trying any of the suicidal methods stated above.